Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
