I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
