Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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