you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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