So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
