at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
