I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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