you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
