Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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