Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
