I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
