Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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