He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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