LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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