he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just gift wrapped bread.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
