Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
