When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
