When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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