yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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