my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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