Small penises have feelings too.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
