i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
