Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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