Nicole vs. Life
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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