I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
