Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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