how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
