It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
