mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize