i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
