I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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