I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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