I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
