Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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