She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize