Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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