I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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