So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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