just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
