there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
