hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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