Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
