just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Too much gin, very little bucket
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
