She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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