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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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