I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
