im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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