her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
