my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
