Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
