This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize