I am spending my child support on dildos
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
