You just made me feel so damn special
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
