I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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