sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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