if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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