I am puke
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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