alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
