we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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