you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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