Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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